Norris & Ilene meet for lunch...

(Ilene opens the door and finds her 40-something daughter standing there with a slightly agitated look on her face.)


Norris: Mom, did you not hear me knocking?  I've been here a while now.

Ilene:  Well of course I heard you.  I was just gathering my things.

(They embrace each other and dish out fake kisses on the cheek.)

Norris:  Mom, do you think maybe its time to have Dr. Shaffer check your hearing?  I can call and make an appointment for you for this week, and I'll even take you if you like.

(Norris grabs Ilene's hand and helps her walk down the stairs of her condo building)

Ilene: Norris, I am not deaf, and I am perfectly capable of driving on my own.

Norris: Well, it wouldn't hurt just to have a little check up.  I'll make an appointment for you for Thursday afternoon, and I'll pick you up.  We can go have lunch after at that little cafe you love near the doctors office, my treat.

Ilene:  Norris.  Are you having hearing trouble?  I am can hear just fine, drive just fine, walk down the stairs just fine and I'll have you know I can afford my own lunch too!

Norris:  Mom, please don't get so upset with me, I just love you and want the best for you.  I know you can hear, drive, walk down the stairs and have your own money.  I just want to make your life as easy as possible.  A little loving help never hurt anyone.

(As they approached the bottom of the stairs, Norris rush to get the door open for her mother)

Ilene:  I am not your child. I am your mother.  Always have been always will be.  Perhaps you forgot, I gave birth to you, and I still remember it!






Had this conversation taken place between any two people other than a mother and a daughter, it would have gone very differently.  This reversal of roles isn't uncommon, and is borderline necessary, though it seems its repercussions are many.  Mom feels like she is views as incompetent by the one she made competent throughout a lifetime of heartache.  Daughter trys to be the best daughter she can be and tell mom things that no one else has the strength to stand up and tell her.  Both women get hurt or offended in the process and carry their irritation with each other, all the while pretending it never happened.  Agreeing to disagree is merely a temporary band-aid.  Mom's made up her mind, her daughter is out to humiliate her and crippler her freedom.  Daughter's made up her mind, mom hates her and has no appreciation for all that she does for her.  Where does the haze part?  I never does seem to.....