Norris & Ilene: voicemail

(Norris calls her mother, Ilene and leaves her a voicemail)


Answering service: beeeeeeep

Norris:  Mom, its me.  Just wanted to check in with you and see how you were feeling after your doctors appointment.  Call me back whenever you get a chance.  Love you.

(later that same afternoon, Ilene returns the call with a voicemail)

Answering service: beeeeeeep

Ilene: Norris, thanks for your concern.  I am feeling fine.  Dr. Gerber says I can't wait for my next treatment since the pain has not gotten any worse. 

If you get the paper this Sunday please make sure to save the coupon section for me this week.  You forgot last week and I had to pay full price at Price Chopper this week.  Ellie Sue said there was good one in there for a whole $1 off of Charmin bath tissue.  And Charmin was on sale this week for $5.49.  That means I could have saved $2.75 on double coupon Wednesday!  I would have only paid $3.49 for toilet paper.  Paper that I wipe my behind with and flush done the toilet.  That's literally money down the toilet, Norris!

Speaking of toilets, Thelma said that her's won't stop running.  All times of the day and night it just runs and runs.  Maybe you could get that good for nothing husband of yours to  

Answering service: BEEEEEEEEEEP  Your message has been saved. To listen (Ilene: What?  Hello?  Norris, what is going on?!) your message or re-record press 1 now.  If you are (Ilene: NORRIS!) satisfied with your message hang up now.

(Ilene hangs up the phone and calls again)


Answering Service:  You have reached Norris' voicemail.  Please leave a message after the tone and I will return your call as soon as possible.  Ciao


Ilene:  Norris, what just happened?  Anyhow, as as was saying......ummmmm...well I've forgotten now, but something it wrong with your answering service.  You should probably have it looked at or serviced.  Whatever it is they do with those cellular things these days.  Maybe it needs a charge or something, you know whenever it hangs up on me?  You always say it needs a charge.  You know you really should keep up with your bills, Norris.  These days good credit is hard to come by and you don't want to go ruining it just because you didn't recharge your cellular ...eh...phone.  Are you having money troubles?  You know your father was would roll over in his grave if he knew you were being irresponsible with you finances.


Answering service: Beeep Your message has been saved....

Living in mama's shadow

      

All over the country there are unwed mothers and none of them are in the spotlight quite like Britol Palin is.  Living is Sarah Palin's shadow must be a fairly cold place to be.  Dancing with the Stars gives Bristol the opportunity to outshine her mama. In an article posted on RobotCeleb.com, before Bristol even takes the dance floor, she is already being scrutinized.  They ask, "Will Sarah Palin upstage her daughter during the Dancing With The Stars premiere", as though Bristol stands no chance. 

Beeeeep "Its your mother...."

Dear Mom, your voicemails are unbearably long and unnecessary.  I'm your daughter, and I always will be.  I plan on calling you back at some point, and you can talk all you want when I return your call.  But this long voice mail crap has to stop.  Its non-sense!  Daughter around the world share this burden with me, and we all agonize at the site of the tiny blinking envelope on the top of the cell phone screen after mom calls.

Let it go...

Deborah Tannen has a book out called, You're Wearing That, NPR posted an excerpt where she calls what happens between moms and daughters "small sparks, big flare ups".  Its the perfect description for what goes down on a regular basis between mother and daughter.  Some tiny, seemingly irrelevant even takes place, and its usually not resolved, and it carries the nuclear-sized repercussions for years to come. It starts in adolescence and continues throughout their adult lives. 

Just for today, stop, and ask yourself;  Is it worth carrying on your shoulders for the rest of your lives? If it happened with anyone else would it have the same impact? 

Give your daughter a break, let her off the hook for one thing that happened years ago.  Let it go. 

Give your mom a break, forgive her for whatever it was that she said or did that you thought was a big deal years ago. Let it go.




Just one little thing....just one tiny step towards a better relationship.

Norris &Ilene get their hair done....

(Ilene sits in a chair next to her daughter, Norris at the hair salon while they both wait on their hair dresser to get started)

Norris:  What do you think you want to get done to your hair this time?  The color you have now is a little to red for your skin tone.

Ilene:  I like it this color.  So do the girls at church.  Thelma even said it made me look sophisticated.  What about your hair?  Don't you think its time you did something to get rid of that gray?  Or maybe got a more adult like cut.  Long hair is for young girls, you're a mother now.  Its time you look like one.

Norris: Mom, I'm in my thirties.  While I'm not teenager, I'm also not about to retire my hair.  I may get a rinse to wash out some of the gray.  But I don't think its sensible to color it all out, after all it is natural.  Aging is natural.

You know, Thelma's hair looks like someone set it on fire.  Are you going for that look?  I'm just not so sure you want to take hair advice from her.

Ilene:  Norris, you ought to respect your elders!  Howver, you do't respect me, so I can't see how you would anyone else, when you can't have respect for your own mother!


Norris:  Mom, how can you say that?







From hair color to what their eating, there never seems to be an agreement..  Its seems they only thing they can agree on is that they never agree.

Mama made her eat it...

The Los Angeles Times posted an article, back in 2000, spilling the beans on how mama influences her daughters eating habits as an adult, in turn also effecting her daughters outlook on body image.  Giving daughters one more thing to blame on mom.  From eating disorders to health conditions, mom gets faulted for it all.

  In an article on momlogic.com the American Dietetic Association states that "when a mother is dissatisfied with her body, daughters will learn to base their self-worth on their appearance. 

 

In fact, a study published by the Association showed that girls as young as five are likely to try dieting simply because Mom has."  Poor mom, she did the best she could but, somehow you were listening the whole time when she was complaining about her waistline, and you just couldn't miss the sideline showing of how a mother pretends to eat the contents of her dinner.  

Today you look in the mirror and you can hardly see yourself through mommy's frumpy old silhouette.  You loath yourself.  You cry yourself to sleep some nights wishing you had another woman's body as your own.  Failed diet attempts lead you back to the infliction your mommy caused once again.

YOU have to start taking responsibility for YOU!  Okay so mom played a role in what you think you look  like, and what you think you should eat.  But now you're you, not just mommy's little girl!  You brush your own teeth, drive your own car, and you darn sure make your own decisions.  You have the power to break your own cycle.  If an old dog can learn new tricks, so can you little girl!  Now get to it, and give mom a break ladies!

The Judds have some answers!

Thank goodness for DVR's, otherwise I would have missed the Oprah episode that aired on Tuesday with country music superstars, Wynnona Judd and her mother and singing partner, Naomi Judd!  The duo was on Oprah to promote their upcoming final tour together, beginning November 26th.  After years of touring together and being cramped on a tour bus together, they have come to experience MDS in its fullest force!  They shared with the show all of their latest tools, learned in counseling sessions, for tolerating each, or as Wynnona said, "for moving forward" together.  I couldn't help but to memorize each one to share with you all!  Feel free to edit for your own relationships with your mom or daughter:

1. For daughters specifically, since you came later in mom's life, and she's gotten to know you from birth;  get to know mom and who she really is and was before you came.  Find out who she is outside of being your mom.  Because apparently, there is life outside of her responsibility as a mom to you.
2. Being non-resistant.
3. Being invitational instead on confrontational
4. Recognizing that everyone has their own different reality
5. Mirroring, or repeating how you interpret what you heard the other person say.
6. a. Asking permission, "Is this a good time to talk?"  or "Is now a good time for a visit?"
6. b. Or asking permission for physical contact in order to respect each others boundaries, "Can I get a hug?"
7. Saying, "Can I get a do-over?", when you know you reacted in a way you didn't mean to.  (perfect for when you're in a bad mood)
8. Validating by saying, "I can understand why you feel that way." 
9. Saying, "That doesn't work for me", as in, that's for you, and something else is for me, and that's okay.
10.  Being fully present in every moment spent together, and in you lives outside of each other.

When asked what brought them together to tour again, Naomi replied, "Our therapist says its okay to go out in public unsupervised"!  The two of them are hilarious, but I know that it has taken years of hard work for them to get where they are.